23 January 2006

Truth + Love trumps Ignorance + Hate

(First visit to my blog? Then I insist that you scroll down and read them in order.. No cheating!)

Recently during my never ending search of the web, I came across something that, though I desperately didn't want it to, hurt at least one of my feelings. Someone I know has a site on My Space, and, as many people do, he'd filled it up with various items. One of which was quiz wherein he'd answered several, sometimes bizarre, questions.

Have you ever been stabbed/shot? No
Would you ever eat pizza with chocolate chips? Maybe
Have you ever danced like a whore? Definitely not

Then some random word association.

Uniform = dunno
Clown = Bozo
Rainbow = fucking queer

What?? Surely, I read that wrong. No, that's really what it said. How could it be that someone so close to me had such feelings? Surely, he wasn't referring to me. Surely, he never meant for me to ever come across this page.

(Side note: For those not already aware, the rainbow is often used as a symbol of gay pride. It represents diversity and inclusiveness. Anyway, back to my story....)

I closed his page, tried to do the dishes, tried not to let this affect me, tried to forget what I'd read.. No luck... But I knew that, no matter how badly I wanted to lash out at him, no matter how much I wanted to yell and scream and jump up and down on his head, to do so would not be productive.

Instead I sat down and composed a quick email..

"I was looking around on My Space and came across your site. And though I tried ignore what I read there, I can't.. I can understand that you're just doing your "tough guy" part by referring to someone as a "fucking queer".. But as someone who has all too often been called a "fucking dyke", I need you to know how much that hurts.... That "fucking queer" you're talking about, that's me..

I recently started up a blog. You're more than welcome to go and read it. Perhaps if you read what I wrote, you will see where I'm coming from..

I love you very much. And I hope you know that... "

Then I went about my day. Feeling a little better, but not really, about actually saying something to him instead of adding it to the long list of hurtful moments that I usually just accept as part of life. I had hoped he'd respond, perhaps I'd even receive a half-hearted "Sorry if I hurt your feelings. It wasn't directed at you" apology, but I also feared that his thoughtless comment was just the tip of an iceberg. That he may have some deep-seated homophobia that he would then direct at me since I'd stepped out as a target. When his reply came a few hours later, I held my breath as I opened it.. What he'd wrote brought tears to my eyes..

"I'm sorry about that. I didn't mean to offend you or anybody. It was just the first thing that came to mind when I was filling out that thing. I cant make up any excuse, like trying to be a "tough guy". All I can say is that I didn't think it through before I did it. So, I am truly very sorry and I will change that comment before I hurt anyone else.

I hope you accept my apology-"

This was probably the most heartfelt apology I've ever received. Not only did he heal the hurt he had unintentionally caused me, but by not trying to make any excuse for it he'd somehow healed a small amount of the scars that have been inflicted by the words of others.

True to his word, his site has been changed. It now says "never ending" next to rainbow.. This meant more to me than I could ever express to him, and I am so very thankful that he is a part of my life...


I know I'd said in my Clearing the Air post that being gay isn't central to this blog so it seems a bit soon to have it as the subject, but when something like this touches me as this has, it couldn't be passed up without notice.. Stay tuned tomorrow as I bring you something on a much lighter note...


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